"Helping families and communities prevent and cope with infant and young child loss, one baby step at a time"

 Gavin Lee Sievers
Twin brother of Jaxon – Son of Shane and Connie

September 2, 2015 – March 7, 2016

Gavin Lee Sievers was born on September 2^nd, 2015. He was born at 4 lbs, 4oz and came 1 minute after his twin brother Jaxon Leonard at 10:14 am.   Gavin was sent to NICU due to his weight and was later joined by Jaxon who had an iron deficiency they needed to monitor.   Together they shared a room and were discharged on September 7^th. To say we as parents were nervous was an understatement. Bringing home twins, both under 5 lbs was probably the slowest car ride home we had in a long time. From the start, Gavin and Jaxon were distinctively different but found comfort with being close to one another.   Gavin was very vocal and let us know what he did and did not like. Diaper changes, baths, being naked were all dislikes and swings, cuddles, and ceiling fans were all likes.   One minute he would be playing and the next he would fall asleep. The boys always needed to keep each other in close proximity and held hands all the time.

Gavin was more of the “leader” between the boys.   He was the first to find his voice, toes, roll over, and take to solid foods.   Gavin couldn’t get enough of solids, he would want a bite before the first on was even swallowed and if we didn’t go fast enough, he would let us know. Eventually he learned to love baths, diaper changes weren’t so bad and loved being naked.   He loved being upright – the bouncy seat became his favorite toy. He was not a fan of tummy time so, to keep him off his back, he would spend as much time as possible in his bouncy seat.   We ended up getting two and the boys would sit in their seats and “talk” back and forth to each other until it was time to eat or sleep.   They loved being able to look at each other like that.

March 7^th is a day forever engrained in our minds.   It is the day our lives forever changed and not in a way we would wish upon anyone.   The day started off per usual. We got up, got the boys fed, let them play while we got ready and then Shane took them to daycare. I remember that Gavin spit up all over me and I had to change clothes. I set Gavin down on the bed and he was chewing on his fingers and Tyson (our dog) crawled up on the bed and just laid his head by Gavin’s legs.   I took a picture of them as it was a great moment of a boy and his dog. Then I kissed the boys good-bye and Shane loaded them up to drop them off at daycare.   Shane distinctly remembers that Gavin was asleep when he dropped him off before he headed into work.

We received the “call” that will forever haunt us at 1:10pm that afternoon.   We both got calls from the Urbandale Police Department that we needed to head to the hospital as Gavin was found unresponsive.   I worked 2 blocks from the hospital and I took off running while on the phone with Shane trying to keep him calm has he was driving from Urbandale. I got there and found the doctors working on Gavin and just stared into the ER room. Finally, the Chaplin pulled me into a private room to wait for Shane, wait for the doctor, and wait for answers.   At 2:09pm, those answers came, Gavin had passed away, they did everything they could but he was gone.   After a few minutes of shock and tears, I needed to find Jaxon (who was still at daycare). He needed to be with us, be with Gavin. Not only had our world forever changed but his did as well that day. Gavin passed away from SIDS.

There are so many questions with no answers and that is the hardest part in all of this. No answers for us, no answers for Jaxon just the “undetermined” (as written in the autopsy). We try not to dwell on the “what ifs” and instead reflect on “what was”. Gavin was such a brilliant little man, so full of life, smiles and laughter. He was our little monkey, our grumpy old man, he was the Goose to Jaxon’s Maverick. Gavin always had a twinkle in his eyes and sometimes he would just stare off and then start smiling and kicking his legs.   I have no idea what he saw or what gave him such joy but maybe he saw something we couldn’t and he knew what was waiting for him in Heaven.

We have learned to lean on our family and friends, to remember Gavin with love and laughter instead of dwelling on the undetermined.   We choose to believe that he is watching over us and we get glimpse of him from time to time and know he’s with us always.

We were given a book called “The Next Place” from the hospital which holds true in our hearts. We know he’s happy, playing laughing and loving life as he always did in The Next Place.

“I will finally be perfect. I will be without a flaw
I will travel empty-handed,
There is not a single thing I have collected in my life
That I would ever want to bring
EXCEPT…..The love of those who loved me,
And the warmth of those who cared.
The happiness and memories and magic that we shared.
Though I will know the joy of solitude….. I’ll never be alone.
I’ll be embraced by all the family and friends
That I have ever known.
Although I might not see their faces,
All our hearts will beat as one,
And the circle of our spirits
Will shine brighter than the sun.
I will cherish all the friendship I was fortunate to find,
All the love and all the laughter in the place I leave behind.
All these good things will go with me. They will make my spirit glow.
And that light will shine forever in the next place that I go.”